How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
