So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Randomize
