You're so nebulous sometimes
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
