Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
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