I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives�
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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