we made out on top of his cat.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Send help, water and tortillas.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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