Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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