I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Randomize
