If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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