Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Randomize
