Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
My dick has a subreddit
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
