my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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