So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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