im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
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