Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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