He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Do you have feelings for this penis?
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
