Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Randomize
