Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
