Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
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