Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
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