We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
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