Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
