I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Randomize
