dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Randomize
