His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
He is an equal opportunity slut.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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