At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
