i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Randomize
