the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
