Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
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