best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Randomize
