eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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