Kiss
Puke
glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Randomize
