you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
