Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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