Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
