Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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