She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Randomize
