see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
