that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
