If that was your dad, he is hot
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Randomize
