No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
