At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
