Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Shitshow foam night was such a success
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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