We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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