Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Randomize
