Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Randomize
