I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
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