I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
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