We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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