Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I didn't notice because vodka
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Randomize
