Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
what is it with giant penises always finding me
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
