That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
