i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Boobs are out for the taking
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
