this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
